When I was a kid...

When I was a kid...

I thought only doctors shopped at body shops, because thats where you find replacement body parts. (I'll take and arm and a leg please)
Flea markets were to be avoided at all costs, unless you were trying to hire a flea circus.
I believed you ironed your clothes to infuse them with metal, and thus make them more durable.
Bullet proof vests were just ironed a lot.
"Don't Drink and Dive" meant no liquids at all behind the wheel, and if you were thirsty, you should pull over.
I didn't understand why "the birds and the bees" constituted a private chat with your parents. And really, how did insects and fowl make babies anyway?
We called a friend of mine Dildo. I thought it was an Australian dog.
The first time I heard someone refer to a "trouser snake" I was terrified. I thought they were the same kind of snakes I was convinced lived in toilets and bit your butt if you were on it for too long.
When my dad told us that freckles were made of frickles, which were freckles on the inside, I believed him. Until I was 15.
I knew girls were superior, because we get to sit down when we pee, and don't have to worry about things like aim. Although trouser snakes were a deadly possibility.
I once jumped a fence to see if the grass really looked greener if I was on the other side.
One of our favorite games was "See a Car and Freeze" which involved stopping in the middle of the road to force the driver to swerve out of our way. No one died, surprisingly.