I am a living Oxymoron!

I was once told when I was a kid that my names meaning is bitter-sweet. I recall this conversation clearly, and I also recall having to look up a definition or two to help better explain to me what bitter-sweet means. You hear it often in terms of a "bitter-sweet victory" as in meaning although something terrible has happened in the mean time the outcome was as you had original hoped. Sort of like feeling bad about a good situation. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on this, and how it relates to me as a name. I guess I decided somewhere along the line that as a name it means I'm agreeable yet contrary, nice but with a sharp edge, or to sum it up in one of my favourite english words, oxymoronic. If you don't know what an oxymoron is bitter-sweet is a good example. Another example is "jumbo shrimp" or "microsoft works". I've gone through a healthy part of my life laughing about this, but today at my class I realised exactly how true this is of me.

We've been doing a ton of self assesment projects, such as the Myers-Briggs test and today we did the Holland Code. In all of these I'm seeing some seriously fundamental differences within myself, and it's leaving me a little confused but at the same time kind of assured (go figure its giving me dual feelings). Specifically today with the code test I came up as AC - which means Artistic and Conventional. These two things are complete opposites on the Holland Code scale. Artistic means you are free spirited, impulsive, creative, a thinker or a dreamer, and may rebel against structure and conformity. Conventional means that you like structure, prefer calculations and data, are the kind of person who likes to do office type work, are well organized and practical. Trust me when I tell you this leaves me a little confused.

The whole purpose of defining ourselves with this code is to find out what sort of jobs or careers we may be suited for. Me being AC means that I'm on both ends of this scale. And I've done work suggested for both of these types, clerical and artistic. Don't get me wrong, I can definately see both traits of these code types in myself, but in different ways. I think I'm more of a C in regards to work, I get anal about organization, I like effeciency, I want to see results and I don't mind being told what I need to do. Well, as long as I can do it in my own way and with a lot of self expression. I have to believe that my C traits are more learned, and the things I do to control my more A traits. It's something interesting to consider, whether I was born a contradiction, or if I just had to manipulate myself to be so contrary to be able to function in the real world. Because let's face it, you can't feel secure living like an impulsive A - well, at least I can't because home and family values are important to me, and I can't just up and leave responsibilites (well I can but I have to make myself believe I can't or it becomes too easy, you know?)

It got even more interesting when we did a career assesment. It was hillarious! My top job suggestion was "Communications Specialist" very clerical, office oriented kind of work. Next was "Costume Design" how different can you get?! All down the list it was like that. Personal Financial Aid, Photographer, Corporate Trainer, Fashion Design. All things I would definately be interested in and would probably have some skill at, but hilarious to me that it reflected so clearly the same conflicting results as everything else I've done this far in the course has.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share a little bit about how my day went. Other than that, I think I have company coming tonight and I really should clean the house. But I think instead I'm going to finish up the pair of jellyfish I have waiting to be assembled and beaded. Hopefully by the end of this weekend I will get at least 2 more pairs done so I can take them downtown on Monday. Oh, and I need to find out where my voting station is so I can make sure my small voice is heard on Monday, at least a little.